Today...

Today was one of the worst days I had in awhile.. Toni bit me twice and hit me twice (neither of them hard but I don't want her to make habits of either one). She had two meltdowns and I almost had one. All the while I just kept thinking about would this be different if Husband was here? Could he make her behave better? I have realized that I have put so much of an expectation on myself to make sure that she behaves well. The last thing I want is for him to come home and her not know who he is and for her to have this kind of behavior be something that happens daily (yeah I know that is why you have to correct it early). I am honestly trying, and I honestly think that in my wildest dreams I never thought it would be this hard. I tell her no and she keeps going, I tell her no and she keeps grabbing it, I tell her no and she just keeps at it, and yes I smack her hand (not hard just enough so that she knows this is not something you do), I try and explain why she shouldn't do it (I doubt she fully gets it) and give her as much of a time out as I can (how on earth do you give a time out to a ten month old, I am not sure how but I will find a way). I pray over her every night and I pray that she is respectful and has a good night and so much more, but I think it comes down to the fact that she misses her daddy and no matter how much I try I feel like I am fail at trying to be both. (Yes, I keep thinking a good Army Wife knows how to balance things, a good Army Wife can be both Mother and Father because she has to, A good Army Wife can keep her children in line and have a clean house all in one day without breaking a sweat.) <--- I am beginning to think I need lessons from her, and yes I know women like that and I always thought I could be that person and now I am struggling to be that person... I hope I can get better and teach Toni better. In the end, I am just me and hopefully I have a well behaved kid who knows and loves her dad as much as I do... Anyways I just needed to get that out